How do I pray?

Most people who type this into a search bar are not asking for a definition of prayer. They are quietly trying to do it, do not know how to start, and are not going to ask anyone in person because the question feels too basic. This page is for that.

You do not have to be religious to read what follows. Where a term comes up, it gets introduced.

A few terms first

For readers without the background:

• Jesus of Nazareth was a Jewish religious teacher who lived in first-century Palestine. The Christian claim is that he was also God in human form.
• Prayer, in the Christian-specific sense, is talking to God — sometimes in words, sometimes wordless. The Christian tradition treats prayer as conversation, not performance.
• The Holy Spirit (often just the Spirit) is, on the Christian view, God's presence active in the world and in people; one of the three persons of the one God in Christian doctrine.
• The gospels are four short biographies of Jesus' life — Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John — written by his followers within decades of his death.

A short, honest answer

Prayer is talking to God. Not performance, not ritual, not a magic incantation. You can do it with no special words, no special posture, no clergy, and no minimum belief level. The Christian tradition has historically held that God hears the unpracticed prayer as well as the practiced one — sometimes better.

Five things that quietly stop people from praying

Most people who say they cannot pray are running into one of these. Naming them helps.

1. You think you need to feel something. Prayer is not a feeling. Many of the most-quoted prayers in the Bible were prayed by people who felt nothing or worse. The feelings — when they come — come later, and sometimes not at all. Feelings are not the test.

2. You think you need to know what to say. You do not. According to one of the gospel accounts, Jesus' closest followers asked him to teach them how to pray. He did not hand them a technique. He handed them a short, simple template (now called the Lord's Prayer) and told them not to use a lot of words.

3. You think you have to feel worthy. Christianity's specific claim is the opposite — that the people most welcomed to pray are the people least sure they qualify. Almost every figure the Bible holds up as a serious pray-er was, at some point, in the middle of doing something they were not proud of.

4. You think prayer should produce results on demand. Christianity does not promise vending-machine outcomes. It promises presence and, over time, formation. Many honest pray-ers say the changes inside them turned out to be bigger than the changes they had been asking for.

5. You think it would not count if it is your first time. It counts.

What Jesus actually said about how to pray

Jesus addressed this question directly. The two key passages are short and specific.

Keep it simple. In one of the gospel accounts, he told a crowd: "When you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." The Christian tradition has historically read this as a strong push against the idea that prayer is performance. God is not impressed by length; he knows what is going on with you already.

Use this as a starting template. Immediately after, he gave the short prayer that has come to be called the Lord's Prayer:

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.

("Hallowed" is an old English word meaning honored as holy. "Your kingdom" is Christian shorthand for God's good rule taking effect in the world.)

Notice the shape: praise of God, request for what you need today, confession, asking for help with what is hard. It is a template, not a script. Many Christians pray it word for word. Many more use it as a structure and fill in their own content.

A simple structure that works for almost anyone

If you want something to start with, this one is short, honest, and based on the Lord's Prayer's shape:

1. Praise. One sentence about who God is or what he is like. Even just "Thank you for being good" counts.

2. Today. What do you actually need today? Not what you think you should ask for — what is on you right now.

3. Confession. Anything you are carrying that you know is off — something done, something not done, something you are scared to look at. You do not need to perform it. Just name it.

4. Help. What is hard? What would you want help with that you are not currently asking for?

5. Listen. This is the part people most often skip. Sit for a minute. Do not try to fill the silence. The Christian tradition has always taught that prayer is conversation, not monologue — and that the response, when it comes, often comes quietly.

That is it. The whole thing can take three minutes. It can take forty-five. It does not have to be fluent.

When the words will not come

A passage from Paul (one of the earliest Christian writers), in a letter to Christians in Rome: "The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." (The Spirit here is what the Christian tradition calls the Holy Spirit — God's presence active inside a person.) The Christian tradition has historically read this as a strong claim that prayer-without-words is real prayer. If you are too tired, too sad, too angry, or too lost to assemble sentences, sitting in silence is still prayer.

A few practical notes

• Posture does not matter. Kneel, sit, walk, drive. The Christian tradition has no required physical form.
• Time of day does not matter. Morning helps some people. Right-before-bed helps others. Try and see what fits.
• Out loud or in your head — both work. Out loud helps some people focus. Silently is fine.
• Distractions are normal. Your mind will wander. When you notice, just come back. The wandering is not a disqualifier.
• A journal can help. Writing your prayer out — even a few sentences — is a way of slowing down and noticing what you are actually carrying.

What about when nothing seems to happen

This is the most common stuck point. You pray, you feel nothing, you wonder if anyone is on the other end. Christianity's answer is unusual on this point: it does not claim that the feeling of God's presence is the test of prayer. It claims that prayer is real because God is real, not because you felt him in the moment. Many of the most durable Christian lives include long stretches of dry-feeling prayer that turned out to be doing real work underneath. (See Why does God feel so far away? for more on that specifically.)

What about right now

If you want to try praying for the first time and would rather have someone with you, or you want to talk through what is making prayer hard, our chat is free, private, and in your language. You start it; you end it whenever you want.

Where this comes from in the Bible

• Matthew 6:9–13 — the Lord's Prayer
• Matthew 6:5–8 — "do not keep on babbling… your Father knows what you need"
• Romans 8:26–27 — the Spirit prays through you when you cannot
• 1 Thessalonians 5:17 — "pray continually" (the long-arc posture, not constant words)
• Philippians 4:6–7 — what happens inside you when you pray
• Psalm 62:8 — "pour out your hearts to him"