How do I talk to God?

A lot of people who type this into a search bar are deliberately not typing the word prayer. Prayer sounds like something you have to be qualified for — like there is a way to do it right, and you would be doing it wrong. Talking to God sounds like what you actually want to know about: whether you can just say what is going on, in your own words, and have it land somewhere.

This page takes that question on its own terms. You do not have to be religious to read this. No script, no posture, no minimum belief level required.

A few terms first

For readers without the background:

• Jesus of Nazareth was a Jewish religious teacher who lived in first-century Palestine. The Christian claim is that he was also God in human form.
• Prayer, in the Christian-specific sense, is talking to God — sometimes in words, sometimes wordless. The Christian tradition treats it as conversation, not performance. This page mostly avoids the word because so many people use talking to God to mean exactly that and find it less loaded.
• The Holy Spirit (often just the Spirit) is, on the Christian view, God's presence active in the world and in people; one of the three persons of the one God in Christian doctrine.
• The Psalms are a long collection of 150 prayers and poems in the Old Testament — the older, Jewish part of the Bible — used by Jews and Christians for thousands of years as a kind of school for how to talk to God honestly.
• The gospels are four short biographies of Jesus' life — Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John — written by his followers within decades of his death.

A short, honest answer

Christianity's specific claim is that God is personal — that there is someone on the other end, not a force or a feeling — and that he listens to ordinary language. You do not need special words. You do not need to feel anything in particular. You do not need to be sure he is there before you start. You can say what is actually going on, including that you do not know if anyone is listening, and Christianity claims that counts as talking to God.

Whether anyone is on the other end

This is the question underneath the question. People ask how to talk to God when what they actually want to know is whether — whether there is someone there at all.

Christianity's answer here is unusual. It does not say believe hard enough and you will feel God answer. It says God exists whether you feel him or not, and the trying-to-talk is itself the start of finding out. The Christian tradition has historically held that the first honest sentence — "I don't know if you're real, but if you are, I want to talk" — is heard exactly the same as the most articulate one. The honesty is the qualifier, not the polish.

If you are coming at this from total scratch, that sentence is enough to start.

You do not need special language

A common reason people freeze is the suspicion that God only listens to a certain register — King James English, churchy phrasing, thee and thou, the word Lord in places. None of that is required. According to one of the gospel accounts, Jesus told a crowd: "When you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." The Christian tradition has historically read this as a strong push against the idea that more words, fancier words, or any specific word inventory makes God more likely to listen.

You can talk to God in slang. You can talk to him while driving. You can talk to him in the language you actually think in. You can talk to him about things you would not say in front of other people. The tradition's claim is that nothing is too small and nothing is too embarrassing.

Name what is actually going on for you

A useful starting move, if you do not know what to say, is to skip what you should be saying and go straight to what is actually going on with you right now. Tired. Scared. Furious. Numb. Stuck. Hopeful but suspicious. Angry at God for something specific. Worried about a person. Hating your job. Trying to make a decision. Whatever the actual thing is.

The Psalms — a 150-poem collection in the older part of the Bible, used for thousands of years as a kind of training ground for honest God-talk — open with people doing exactly this. One of them starts: "How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?" That is in the book. That is what the Christian tradition treats as a model for how to start.

Naming what is actually happening, in your own words, is a complete first sentence. You do not have to add anything to it.

Ask questions; let silence be okay

Christianity does not require you to do all the talking. Many of the most useful Christian habits around God-talk include long stretches of just listening — sitting with a question, not trying to fill the air.

There is a scene in the Old Testament about a man named Elijah, an early Hebrew prophet, who is told that God is about to pass by. There is a violent wind, an earthquake, a fire — and the text says God was not in any of them. After all that, there is what one translation calls "a gentle whisper." The Christian tradition has historically read this as a claim about the texture of how God most often answers: not in spectacle, but quietly, often through what becomes clearer the longer you sit with it.

Practically, this means two things. First, you can ask God real questions — "why," "what do you want me to do," "are you actually there" — and not be expected to supply the answers yourself. Second, when nothing comes back loud, that is not necessarily nothing. Sit anyway. Many people who have done this for years describe the answer arriving days later, in a thought that would not leave them alone, or a piece of advice from a person who could not have known what they were asking.

Do not perform

Performance is the most common thing that quietly kills honest talking-to-God. People start strong, then they hear themselves, decide they sound dumb or selfish or wrong, and stop.

Christianity's claim, again, is unusually permissive on this. Paul (one of the earliest Christian writers), in a letter to Christians in Rome, wrote: "The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." (The Spirit here is what the Christian tradition calls the Holy Spirit — God's presence active inside a person.) The Christian tradition has historically read this as the claim that when you cannot find the words, God's own presence inside you finishes the sentence. You do not have to be eloquent. You do not have to be coherent. You do not have to know what you want.

If you catch yourself performing — phrasing something for an imagined audience, censoring something that feels too raw, trying to sound spiritual — stop and say the unedited version instead. The unedited version is the one Christianity claims God was listening for.

A few practical notes

• You do not need to start with Dear God. You can if you want. You can also just start.
• You do not need to end with Amen. Amen means let it be so. It is a fine word. It is not a required signature.
• Out loud or in your head — both work. Out loud helps some people focus and feel less like they are talking to themselves.
• Writing it out is allowed. A journal works. So does a notes app.
• Distraction is normal. Your mind will drift. When you notice, come back. The drift is not a disqualifier.

When you have nothing to say

If you are too tired or too sad or too angry to find sentences, the Christian tradition's answer is to sit anyway and let that be the conversation. Many honest readers of the texts describe long stretches like this turning out to be doing real work — even though nothing felt like it was happening in the moment.

(See How do I pray? for a slightly more structured starting point if you want one. See Why does God feel so far away? for what to do when it feels like nothing is on the other end.)

What about right now

If you want to try talking to God for the first time and would rather have someone with you, or you want to talk through what is making it hard, our chat is free, private, and in your language. You start it; you end it whenever you want.

Where this comes from in the Bible

• Psalm 62:8 — "pour out your hearts to him"
• Matthew 6:7–8 — "do not keep on babbling… your Father knows what you need"
• 1 Kings 19:11–13 — the wind, the earthquake, the fire, the gentle whisper
• Romans 8:26–27 — "the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans"
• Psalm 13:1–2 — "how long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?"
• Philippians 4:6–7 — what happens inside you when you bring things to God